The Christmas Tree decorating Event

Everyone wanted to help except when we had to decorate the top half of the 12 foot tree. Its a beaut Clark, Steven said and it sure it. Its also so large that it takes up almost half of my family room. We traded trees with our neighbor this year, as they needed a smaller one and we needed a bigger one since we they ran out of tree permits this year. Its a fake one but if its possible to say, its really growing on me. I leave it on all the time, its so festive and bright and since we didn't put it up until a week after Thanksgiving I want to get my time with it as it will go down pretty quickly after the man comes. Which is another story. Colton and Kaden think that it would be so cool to catch me kissing Santa Claus this year. They are really taking to the music and magic of Christmas they are 5 and 6 now, and might be Colton's last year of believing as he is already questioning who is real and who is a fake Santa. He is too smart for himself, I tried to spell something out the other night to Steve and Colton was like that spells plant! I might have to learn Portuguese so we can communicate without everyone knowing what we are saying.

We also have Elfy, who is the magical elf that appears right after Thanksgiving and watches over my boys during the day and reports back to Santa on their progress. He moves spots each night and its always a treat to wake up each morning to see the excitement on their faces when they have found out where Elfy landed for the day. You can't touch Elfy or else he looses his magic power and therefore won't return the next day, that keeps them from them climbing up on things to retrieve Elfy and then ultimatly misplacing him and then I am frantic trying to find him a new resting spot for the day. He sure does have some fun spots to hide and the boys think its hilarious how he hangs on things some nights....I have been woken from a dead sleep panicing that I forgot to reposition Elfy. But all is well so far, as he has not failed us yet.

Its stinking cold here in Heber but this week, its a heat wave. We got almost a foot of wet snow last week, I embraced that stuff, got all bundled up only to be sweating an hour later from sheer exhaustion trying to build a snowman family...what was I thinking. I stopped at 3 that snow was so heavy, I could hardly lift up the middle ball to make Steve, I told him a diet was necessary. Kaden and Colton both wanted me to make sure that we made the snowMEN anotomically correct! Ah...no but and weiny are needed boys, they are snowMEN still. I think next time it snows, I will get the other kids done. For now, I enjoy the snow, as its beautiful for the holiday season...after that you can leave it up in the sky.

I did have a picture of the tree all finished decorated but I can't seem to get it downloaded without a lot of trouble so maybe next time.

Twas the Disneyland Vacation

It all began on a cold windy day

hoping not to be halted along the way

We journeyed along

For what felt like so long

To the stop of the day

Las Vegas OK!

My kids were all frightened by sights not usually seen

I tried to detract them but their eyes were a gleem

Don't look around

For the sights were not fond

They were scarred~

So they said to everyone they had met

When you go to Vegas be sure not to take the cards

of the ladies on the ground.

Then all the next day, not a car was moving, not even an foot

but you sure got the look

move your car or you will get took

No one cared, they sped by as if on wings

Then halted to stop just moments away

for a day and a life on the LA freeway.

We made headway that day to Disneyland we will stay

Not for a moment, not for an hour, we did not stop to ponder

We dashed and we dreaded the next line where we were headed

The boys all armed in their strollers, due to mom and dad now with bad shoulders

No longer could we contain the excitement, for the drive home would be SUCH enjoyment

We journeyed we traveled, we arrived back in Utah without any hassles

The trip is now ended, with pictures in tow, so long Disneyland until my grandkids have to go!

A year ago......many hearts were broken!

I can't believe it has been a year ago today that we found out about our Sweet Avery Ann's heart. I remember it so well, yet it was still a daze, if that can actually be. I remember the OB telling me that it was a perfect forming baby, right on with the dates, etc......but with some hesitation he said he was not able to see all the chambers of the heart and wondered if it was because of the way she was positioned....come back next week was his response. I had some nervousness about it but nothing that was overly concerning. We went back a week later and he said that we need to be referred to Utah Valley for a more intense ultrasound, now the nervousness was compounded so intently I didn't want to wait, so I muscled my way in to a same day appointment only to be even more devasted that the news did confirm my nightmare. Steve and I were sitting in the ultrasound room as they probbed and prodded their way around me.....it seemed like forever waiting and not seeing any facial expressions that were encouraging. We met with the genetic specialist and OB and they told us our options....we did an amnio to see if there would be other defects, it was all surreal. This is NOT happening to us, is it? Well in our sorrow, I thought I should find out the sex as we previously were not going to, so that I could be closer and bond with this precious child...of course it was a girl, the girl I always wanted. Bittersweet was an understatement! I have never shed so many tears in my life....I think that day, I began my grieving process.

We prepare ourselves and embrace our bodies for hurt, but it seems to never evade anyone. I sometimes think, why am I doing so well, I lost a baby? Shouldn't I be a mess, shouldn't I be balling everyday, why does life still go on? I don't know the exact answer but I know that I was blessed with a unusual amount of strength, hope, comfort and understanding! These past months have been overall really good, we have days of tears, laughs, yelling, messes, all the usual things but there is not a day that goes by that there is not a mention of our Avery Ann. She lives in our hearts, in our souls and in our life....my boys add in their daily prayers, "we pray that we will never forget our sister Avery." She made such an impact on so many lives, she has made many better people and I know its made lots of positive changes in our own family.

Last years holiday season was an emotional one, but we held on and we hope that this holiday season can help us to reflect on our growth, our gratitude and our family no matter if one is temporarily missing.

Halloween was a blast this year!

Colton wanted to be skeleton/skull face, so I thought I would paint his face for him cuz he said he hates the smells of the masks. So I sit him down to begin and all he wants to do is itch his face! Well makeup and itching don't go together that well. It took me half an hour to paint his face and less than half an hour for him to smear it all off. Ugh! Oh well it was dark out!

Steve was dressed as Warren Jeffs, the Polygamist that is in jail, and us girls (Kam, Me, Shanna, Tonya) were his wives. We had a neighborhood party adult that was so much fun.

Kaden was dressed as an old man and our niece, Ashley was an old lady, they were so stinking a cute, I could not stand it! Every house he stopped at, the people were like, look how cute he is. He even did the walk with his cane, it was hilarious!

What do you do when home with flu?

We have been confined to the house since Monday and its been a pleasant and peaceful week. I got lots of things done around the house that I have had on my to do list but as far as the boys go, well they spent their days doing tons of workbook sheets aka their homework they called it and.........Kade turned into a photographer. See for yourself. There were tons of photos on the camera when I went to download them, he took pictures of the TV screen, the computer, some self portraits, some of me looking less than favorable since we didn't have to leave the house, I took full liberty of pajamas till much past noon, makeup and the chi didn't see me for days, hence the reason those are not posted.

Family History

This Sunday at church I participated in a Family History Genealogy class that they offered, it was perfect timing as I was thinking this winter I really need to work on my family history and the names that I have done already are almost completed. I am ready for the next stage and that I am sure, will be a bit more daunting of a task than the first round, but I am committed to it. I updated my files on the computer and in doing so, I had to add my sweet Avery Ann as a birth and a death, that just didn't look right to me on the computer, not right and not fair. But then I was sitting in class and our bishop gave me my records and I noticed that it was that exact day 6 years ago that I was sealed to my husband. That was a blessing to me as I was so sad already, but having the knowledge that I do about being together forever gave me a sense of peace and comfort. I will be with my Avery again as well as my entire family if I can continue to progress and get all the family names I can through the temple. I am so grateful that I have my husband and my boys that I need to remember that when I begin to feel the great loss of not having Avery here with us today. We miss her so much. She is truly not forgotten, each and every prayer that our boys say, has mention of her and how we will never forget her. They are so precious, we went to the pumpkin patch this weekend and they picked out their pumpkins of course they were so big I had to carry them as they couldn't and they picked out three tiny pumpkins for Avery's grave. But we grew some of our own this year and we brought her the tiniest one of the patch. They suggested we paint the pumkins pink...ah I think orange will be just fine.





We had such a great time at the pumpkin patch this weekend. The kids didn't want to leave.

Thank you for the Miracle of Life!

I had the great honor to be a part of the birth of my dear friend, Jen's little boy, Krew Michael on Saturday, October 10th. Not only did I get to be a part of the birth but I gave him his middle name, which has my name in it spelled backwards.

What an amazing experience it was. Jen wanted to have Krew naturally, after I had Avery naturally. We both had epidurals for our first three....why not go out with a bang I guess we both thought. I have never been on the other end..no pun intended there, of birth but I will say that it was a very neat experience. I am grateful for those who choose the medical field as a profession, including my wonderful & amazing sister who is a Nurse practioner and my stepmom who is the charge nurse of the Emergency room. Thank you! I think I like being a labor coach better than I would a nurse. I really thought after have 3 different doulas/labor coach myself, I was much different then they were, (no offense if you are reading this). I never said more positive, affirming things as I did for those 4 hours.....last night as I was going to bed, I was like you can do this Leah, close your eyes, its ok, breathe....in out.... allow yourself to sleep now LOL!

When Krew finally arrived I thought, he is gorgeous and I mean gorgeous. He has lots and lots of dark brown curly hair. That must have explained the bottle of Tum's Jen wouldn't go anywhere without. He was also huge....for a natural birth 8 lbs. 14oz. WAY TO GO JEN and only 2 pushes.

Jen said with every contraction, she visualized Krew sitting on a cloud surrounded by all of those relatives that have passed, waiting to push him off the cloud into the loving arms of those waiting below. I can't tell you how that touched me, I know my little Avery is up there amongst her other family and friends doing the same thing, cheering them on and telling them to say hi to her mommy and daddy. Avery was there on Saturday not only helping Jen but helping me to be ok with this process and not scared or angry, too continue processing lossing her. It was a healing experience. I had tears in my eyes when I saw Krew's head coming out but when I turned toward Jen and saw her face look like it was going to blow up, I had to refocus quickly, that was until I saw little Krew's finger when he was in the warmer.......I cried again because they looked exactly like Avery's fingers, when she held my finger in her warming bed. Symen, Jen's husband, put his arm around me, no words were said, just peace felt.

Jen, thank you for this chance to continue to heal my own heart and be a part of this new beginning, it's beyond words. I love you and am grateful you are part of my life. Thank you again for allowing me this opportunity to witness the miracle of birth. Your a stellar patient!