Wednesday, March 10, 2010

I can only Imagine................


What my sweet baby girl would be doing today, who would she look like, would I have to get a job to support her clothing habit....or would that be mine? I wish I could say that this was all a dream and that this never happened to our family. But since I can't, I have chosen to look at the positive things that our trial has helped us achieve in such a short time. As I reflect back on Avery's journey, I can't seem to grasp how I made it through that period of time. I was with someone today and I shared with them that it was as if I was being guided literally, to take each and every step & breath. I was given a very special gift when I needed it most and for that I will be eternally grateful. My husband and I became like one again, we gained strength through each others struggles and good times. We needed one another, we felt strong in the presence of our children, their innocence and tender spirits showed us what was really important in life. We cherished our family, our friends, ourselves....just a little bit more as we embraced life for another day, as our journeys are not our own.

Sweet Avery Ann is still here, somehow she lives on with us in our daily lives, as my boys would have it no other way. There is not a day that goes by that Colton and Kaden don't talk about or pray for her. My boys have given me a gift that I don't know if I could have given myself. They have the faith that is untainted by the words of the world, their innocence is untouchable, they believe what they are told! They teach me day after day that Avery is our family forever and we will see her again.
Until we see her again, we will enjoy when she shows off her presence, as she visits us in many forms, sometimes as a ladybug, sometimes as a butterfly...and often times she says hello to us in the form of some coin on the ground. A friend of ours, who also has a special angel, gave the boys piggy banks and said that whenever you see money on the ground that is Avery telling you hello! We relish in that notion, and every time we spot a coin on the ground, we pick it up and say hello Avery! She shows up a lot in our lives and it may seem corny to others, but we will take all we can get and the smile it puts on our faces and in our hearts.

Today we will celebrate instead of mourn the short life of Avery. The little boys have requested a birthday party at the cemetery, pink cupcakes and messages attached to balloons telling her about the special spirit she has brought into our lives. I will tell her, Life is not the same, life will never be the same, life goes on....we love you so much Avery, thank you for the strength and courage you have given each of us! Happy Birthday to you!



10 comments:

Ryan and Shannan Hoffman said...

Happy Birthday to Sweet Angel Avery. Though I didn't get to meet her, she has touched me in so many ways. Thanks for sharing her story and for sharing your feelings. I love you.

Kyle and Alli said...

Happy Birthday Avery! We think of you all the time and I sure hope that you enjoy the sweet messages from your brothers today. :) Our hugs are going your way today!

Jen VanderLinden said...

What a sweet way to celebrate. Happy Birthday Angel Avery!

Aunt Sandy said...

Leah that was a touching blog to read, yes she will always be with you and your family. You have sweet boys that will always remind you of the love you have. I love you & your family. Happy Birthday Sweet Avery. Hugs Auntie

Deana said...

Happy Birthday Sweet Avery. I know your family will be with you again soon.

secondchances said...

Happy birthday my sweet granddaughter. I will never forget you; your family will never forget you; you have changed our lives forever and for that I am very grateful. Thank you for the coins you send to me, to Mommy and Daddy and to your brothers.. we know you are with us always..until we see each other again...I love you very much. Grandma Barbara

Dennison Family said...

Happy birthdya to AVery!! Sorry I missed it! I hope you had a very special birtday party for her. I love all of the "signs" that Avery is around. They are so sweet.

Brenna LaPray said...

Happy Birthday sweet Avery. What a neat way to celebrate her special day. Your boys will always treasure these tender moments.

Nic and Ashley Haws said...

You are so inspiring. I'm impressed with your strength.

Thank you for being a mommy who understands and who finds the good in everything. You are very uplifting.

Blessings,
Ashley

PrincessGus said...

Mrs Hallows,

I'm very sorry you lost your sweet angel. But, I'm also very glad she came into your life. I'm 16 and a junior in high school, and I just learned my best friend of 5 years is expecting a baby, she's 16 also. When I first found out I was so angry at the world, because anyone who knows me can tell you, I'm not much of a child person. Anyways, i was feeling really angry at the world because of my best friends pregnancy. I was blogging about it, and accidentally hit a key on my keyboard, and Avery's blog popped up and I thought, OH GREAT more babies. But something prompted me to read it, and something completly unexpected happened. i found myself sharing your joy as you went to your doctor visits and i was excited when i read the blogs about you being in labor. And, then avery passed, and i found myself sobbing at my computer desk. No child has ever touched me like that. I never met Avery, but I can just tell, she was special. Thank You for well, i dont even know what i'm thanking you for, but I know Averys story is helping me to deal with my friends pregnancy in some way.. so thank you.
-Kayla