The Breadman!

Kaden and his friend Adam were bread making partners, with a little help from mom.

They were so excited to make bread in the class. Kaden was worried since we had to leave early that I would forget his bread.

Just in time to leave, our bread was ready to be brought home for the rising and oven ritual.

It truly tasted as good as it looked....but it won't give Grandma Hallows' bread a run for the money. Kaden as you might guess from the picture was extremely proud of his bread.

A year ago......many hearts were broken!

I can't believe it has been a year ago today that we found out about our Sweet Avery Ann's heart. I remember it so well, yet it was still a daze, if that can actually be. I remember the OB telling me that it was a perfect forming baby, right on with the dates, etc......but with some hesitation he said he was not able to see all the chambers of the heart and wondered if it was because of the way she was positioned....come back next week was his response. I had some nervousness about it but nothing that was overly concerning. We went back a week later and he said that we need to be referred to Utah Valley for a more intense ultrasound, now the nervousness was compounded so intently I didn't want to wait, so I muscled my way in to a same day appointment only to be even more devasted that the news did confirm my nightmare. Steve and I were sitting in the ultrasound room as they probbed and prodded their way around me.....it seemed like forever waiting and not seeing any facial expressions that were encouraging. We met with the genetic specialist and OB and they told us our options....we did an amnio to see if there would be other defects, it was all surreal. This is NOT happening to us, is it? Well in our sorrow, I thought I should find out the sex as we previously were not going to, so that I could be closer and bond with this precious child...of course it was a girl, the girl I always wanted. Bittersweet was an understatement! I have never shed so many tears in my life....I think that day, I began my grieving process.

We prepare ourselves and embrace our bodies for hurt, but it seems to never evade anyone. I sometimes think, why am I doing so well, I lost a baby? Shouldn't I be a mess, shouldn't I be balling everyday, why does life still go on? I don't know the exact answer but I know that I was blessed with a unusual amount of strength, hope, comfort and understanding! These past months have been overall really good, we have days of tears, laughs, yelling, messes, all the usual things but there is not a day that goes by that there is not a mention of our Avery Ann. She lives in our hearts, in our souls and in our life....my boys add in their daily prayers, "we pray that we will never forget our sister Avery." She made such an impact on so many lives, she has made many better people and I know its made lots of positive changes in our own family.

Last years holiday season was an emotional one, but we held on and we hope that this holiday season can help us to reflect on our growth, our gratitude and our family no matter if one is temporarily missing.

Halloween was a blast this year!

Colton wanted to be skeleton/skull face, so I thought I would paint his face for him cuz he said he hates the smells of the masks. So I sit him down to begin and all he wants to do is itch his face! Well makeup and itching don't go together that well. It took me half an hour to paint his face and less than half an hour for him to smear it all off. Ugh! Oh well it was dark out!

Steve was dressed as Warren Jeffs, the Polygamist that is in jail, and us girls (Kam, Me, Shanna, Tonya) were his wives. We had a neighborhood party adult that was so much fun.

Kaden was dressed as an old man and our niece, Ashley was an old lady, they were so stinking a cute, I could not stand it! Every house he stopped at, the people were like, look how cute he is. He even did the walk with his cane, it was hilarious!

What do you do when home with flu?

We have been confined to the house since Monday and its been a pleasant and peaceful week. I got lots of things done around the house that I have had on my to do list but as far as the boys go, well they spent their days doing tons of workbook sheets aka their homework they called it and.........Kade turned into a photographer. See for yourself. There were tons of photos on the camera when I went to download them, he took pictures of the TV screen, the computer, some self portraits, some of me looking less than favorable since we didn't have to leave the house, I took full liberty of pajamas till much past noon, makeup and the chi didn't see me for days, hence the reason those are not posted.

Family History

This Sunday at church I participated in a Family History Genealogy class that they offered, it was perfect timing as I was thinking this winter I really need to work on my family history and the names that I have done already are almost completed. I am ready for the next stage and that I am sure, will be a bit more daunting of a task than the first round, but I am committed to it. I updated my files on the computer and in doing so, I had to add my sweet Avery Ann as a birth and a death, that just didn't look right to me on the computer, not right and not fair. But then I was sitting in class and our bishop gave me my records and I noticed that it was that exact day 6 years ago that I was sealed to my husband. That was a blessing to me as I was so sad already, but having the knowledge that I do about being together forever gave me a sense of peace and comfort. I will be with my Avery again as well as my entire family if I can continue to progress and get all the family names I can through the temple. I am so grateful that I have my husband and my boys that I need to remember that when I begin to feel the great loss of not having Avery here with us today. We miss her so much. She is truly not forgotten, each and every prayer that our boys say, has mention of her and how we will never forget her. They are so precious, we went to the pumpkin patch this weekend and they picked out their pumpkins of course they were so big I had to carry them as they couldn't and they picked out three tiny pumpkins for Avery's grave. But we grew some of our own this year and we brought her the tiniest one of the patch. They suggested we paint the pumkins pink...ah I think orange will be just fine.





We had such a great time at the pumpkin patch this weekend. The kids didn't want to leave.

Thank you for the Miracle of Life!

I had the great honor to be a part of the birth of my dear friend, Jen's little boy, Krew Michael on Saturday, October 10th. Not only did I get to be a part of the birth but I gave him his middle name, which has my name in it spelled backwards.

What an amazing experience it was. Jen wanted to have Krew naturally, after I had Avery naturally. We both had epidurals for our first three....why not go out with a bang I guess we both thought. I have never been on the other end..no pun intended there, of birth but I will say that it was a very neat experience. I am grateful for those who choose the medical field as a profession, including my wonderful & amazing sister who is a Nurse practioner and my stepmom who is the charge nurse of the Emergency room. Thank you! I think I like being a labor coach better than I would a nurse. I really thought after have 3 different doulas/labor coach myself, I was much different then they were, (no offense if you are reading this). I never said more positive, affirming things as I did for those 4 hours.....last night as I was going to bed, I was like you can do this Leah, close your eyes, its ok, breathe....in out.... allow yourself to sleep now LOL!

When Krew finally arrived I thought, he is gorgeous and I mean gorgeous. He has lots and lots of dark brown curly hair. That must have explained the bottle of Tum's Jen wouldn't go anywhere without. He was also huge....for a natural birth 8 lbs. 14oz. WAY TO GO JEN and only 2 pushes.

Jen said with every contraction, she visualized Krew sitting on a cloud surrounded by all of those relatives that have passed, waiting to push him off the cloud into the loving arms of those waiting below. I can't tell you how that touched me, I know my little Avery is up there amongst her other family and friends doing the same thing, cheering them on and telling them to say hi to her mommy and daddy. Avery was there on Saturday not only helping Jen but helping me to be ok with this process and not scared or angry, too continue processing lossing her. It was a healing experience. I had tears in my eyes when I saw Krew's head coming out but when I turned toward Jen and saw her face look like it was going to blow up, I had to refocus quickly, that was until I saw little Krew's finger when he was in the warmer.......I cried again because they looked exactly like Avery's fingers, when she held my finger in her warming bed. Symen, Jen's husband, put his arm around me, no words were said, just peace felt.

Jen, thank you for this chance to continue to heal my own heart and be a part of this new beginning, it's beyond words. I love you and am grateful you are part of my life. Thank you again for allowing me this opportunity to witness the miracle of birth. Your a stellar patient!

Fall has fallen!

Fall is such a gorgeous time of year and truthfully in the Heber Valley its breathtakingly beautiful. People come here from all over to see the leaves on the mountains change color but its such a short time of year that I often miss it with life, saying I will go to the mountains tomorrow to collect leaves or ATV ride, but this year Kaden had an assignment to go get some leaves for his classroom so we made it out there before they all changed.

I think this week we are going to try to take a ride on the Heber Creeper railroad through the canyon and get a last look at the fall season. The boys have off from school this Friday and Saturday, so since we aren't going to St. George this time, we will do some fun day trips.

How fast can we go?

We spent the weekend at "our Campinland" property out in Fruitland, it is going to probably be our last for the season and we sure ended with a bang. Our friends, came along and brought their 50cc dirt bike and 90cc four wheeler....well you might as well thought they belonged to my boys because as soon as they got a feel for those wheels, all they could do was take a bathroom break and they were on them again for 2 days straight. All we heard was, "I just barely got on it" from both of them...they were in the height of their glory. Its amazing to watch them from super cautious staying close to us, to riding down the hill, to around the loop, to saying lets go for a ride and you drive your own wheeler Mom and Dad. I am not ready for these little guys to grow up. Steve and I really enjoyed watching them ride.

On Sunday morning, Colton was up at 6am, ready to go for the day. He was super serious when he was riding, very focused too. Kaden on the other hand had the hugest smile on his face the entire time. Even when we were telling him firmly to stay on the right side of the road, he was still grinning. Kaden thought he was an expert much more than Colton, he kept asking if anyone wanted a ride, he did find a few takers...he made sure they held on nice and tight too!

Over the past few weekends, Steve has been building an outhouse on the property, as the one we were using has since been sold with the land (it was the neighbors). Its quite the master bath, larger in stature than one would expect for a outhouse. It has seating for 3, but we elected to only put one seat in there for privacy sake. Kaden wanted to be the first one to use it, sound effects and all, must say, works well! Its got plenty of ventilation but, Kaden thought it could use some more privacy so he started duct taping up all the open areas/holes. Its got character, but lets just say, I won't burden Steve with building our home ever. He did a great job considering he did it himself, well with a little help from of a 5 and 6 year old.

We love it up there, its so peaceful and serene. There was a full moon over the weekend, it was so clear and bright! My favorite part about camping is the fire, its so mesmerizing and calming to me. I think I sat most of the weekend, seriously, I know I did and enjoyed every second of it. We ate lots of treats....the best chocolate chip cookies to be had, homemade pumpkin pie and these awesome highly caloric puffed rice balls, mixed with sitting equals lots of motivation this week to be had at the gym. I am forgoing the scale till Wednesday when I have time to redeem myself.

On the way home it was quiet, we looked in the back seat and there we found Austin's friend, Jordan, with Austin & Colton resting their head on his shoulders, along with kitty asleep on Colton's lap. It was so cute. They were exhausted.

Look at this Palace aka "The new high school"

Wow, pictures don't do this place justice, its truly amazing, beyond words as well. But pictures will simply have to do.

Their home economics room....Its a full restaurant kitchen.
This is the agriculture and mechanics garage!

Broadcasting studio, YES, a real live studio.....

One of the three workout gyms!

The main gymnasium, with a running indoor track around the top!

Austin started 10th grade, yup, now a Sophmore! I remember when I thought sophmores were way older than me, of course, I was only in 7th grade. He is so growing up, literally and physically. I can't believe it, its really surreal to see it right before you eyes. He is if I might say so myself an awesome guy. Truthfully, I am not sure he realizes just how awesome he really is. He is handsome, smart, great athlete, beautiful skin color (no acne either), spiritual, caring, loving, polite and overall a pretty decent kid. Steve and I constantly, at least once a week have someone say something to us about how great of a kid he is. We don't always tell him but truly we are very thankful for our first to set such a great example for his siblings. I hope the others don't feel like they have a hard act to follow. I am not a bragger but I feel like I need to document this, as this is considered my journaling.

No wonder he likes to go to school, I took like 50 pictures, because I couldn't believe my eyes, I was floored with this place, I said where can I sign up to go back to school. The outside is just as amazing too! If you come out of high school with no direction, I am thinking you weren't paying attention, this place has so many options and choices for children these days. I am happy to pay my increased taxes for such an amazing job and honored my son can attend. I just hope the education matches this caliber.

First Days of School

As fast as summer came and went, the first day of school seemed to come even faster. I was not prepared, not in anyway. I was excited about the fact that I could get a consistent schedule and have some free time everyday, but that was bittersweet, I miss them terribly when they are gone. Its quiet around here, very quiet!

Colton goes to first grade, alone, unassisted, bye mom, I can do it myself! No fear, nothing! Off he goes on his bike.

Kaden on the other hand started almost 2 weeks later at the same school, he is going into kindergarten. He wanted us to walk him in, stay there, and if he could that was the first and last day he ever wanted to go to school. He would much rather stay home with me, shopping, eating out to lunch, getting treats at the store to keep him from bugging me, relaxing watching Dora or simply being with his mommy.

Well school has been in session for just a month now and I find myself busy with my household jobs, but I still look forward to 3:30pm when my boys rolls in the driveway for a quick hello and they are off, to play, visit friends, afterschool activities, etc. Colton likes to stay homebound more than Kaden but its Colton who is off, to his friends house, I swear my friend must think she got another child overnight, as he always wants to be at their house. Well then Kaden is lonely, so he leaves too and goes out to play. Alone again, this house is so big, it echos and its just me breathing....LOL. I think come winter months, I will wish for them to be able to go outside and play again but for now as usual, I accept what is and work with it to the best it can be.

Summer fun happens too fast!

Campinland sitting around the "family room" aka fire pit.

Kaden jumping off diving board in St. George
Colton doing it after he saw his brother, he felt it was safe to try it!

Love the skater look

Or the biker look?

Or the no fear I can do any ride look?

Over the July 4th holiday, the boys and I got into the van for a road trip to see Grandma Barbara in Santa Rosa, California. We spent a week there, had lots of fun, shopped, ate good food, and enjoyed the entertainment California provides. We went to Six Flags, Discovery Kingdom, the little boys wanted to go on rides that they clearly were much to little to ride. So the ones they could ride, they rode and rode and rode. I was dizzy watching them. Colton is much to big for his body and brain. To say the least, we got our moneys worth there. We celebrated Kaden's 5th birthday in California as well, he got to go mini golfing for his party. He was a hacker but didn't know the difference, he was thrilled with a hole in 203 strokes...who is keepin score anyway?

Austin played baseball for what seemed like 12 months, and had a pretty good season. Grandma and Grandpa were able to watch him play a bunch of times, and he "girl" friends in the neighborhood and buddies also watched him play, of course those games he was not playing his best, those dang nerves. His brothers loved going to the games and many days they would dress up as a baseball player and emulate him at the park. They truly idolize their big brother.

Grandpa and Grandma Hallows embarked on a journey we never saw coming from them, they went on an LDS Mission to Independence, Missouri Visitor Center and Carthage Jail. We are so happy and proud of their sacrifice to serve. They left on July 6 for the MTC and left for Independence a few weeks later, all when Mom was sick with Pneumonia and didn't even know it. She is trooper. They were supposed to work in the Mission Office but after training in the Visitor Center for a while, their true specialties came out and Mom really has the knack to strike up a conversation with just about anyone, no really they thought that it was a great fit for them to be there and the Mission President changed their assignment, they of course were thrilled.

We made it home in time for Dad's 38th on July 13th! He said this one was a hard one to digest. I guess we aged a lot this year with the loss of Avery and all that we had been through, although I still feel like 29, oops did I mention I turned a year older on June 4th. Moving on.....our anniversary of 8 years was on July 28th. We celebrated it somehow, just can't remember...oh ya we went somewhere fun right....honey help, what did we do..this is when my calendar comes in handy and that aging thing takes over.

We went to our St. George condo a few times this summer oh yes, that is what we did for our anniversary, see its all coming back to me...with the kids but we sure enjoyed them. Steve bought us concert tickets for Def Leppard and Nickelback for Mother's day and Father's Day this year but he tried to say they were our anniversary present as well, I didn't buy it...he always tries to stretch the gift, pretty soon is was gonna be my Christmas present too!

We also enjoyed our Campinland a lot this year as well! Although someone broke into our trailer this year, not much damage, took our surround sound, a bunch of DVD's and ruined the door but that didn't stop us from catching lizards and bringing them home to our kitchen floor for further enjoyment and entertainment. We did some geo caching with some friends for the first time and I loved it. Its hiking with a purpose.

It seemed like every weekend was filled with some activity that kept us truly entertained, engaged and exhausted. We loved every minute of it and wouldn't trade our craziness for anything in the world. Well Steve might, but not me. Enjoy and I promise, I will get better at this blogging thing.

Colton is 6 going on 16!

Wow time flies by, the last time I wrote on this blog was Austin's 15th birthday, almost 2 months ago. I think I might combine Avery's blog and this blog together, so I only have to do one update not 2.

Colton got a scooter for his birthday, I was trying to read the directions to put it together and he practically had it all put together before I was done reading. He is so mechanical it amazes me. I ask him to do things that I can't do. He is brilliant in that department. There is a skate park by the baseball fields where Austin plays and we took the scooters there today for the boys to play....yup this is the going on 16 part. He was riding that scooter like he has done it many a times before. He was even dressed like a skater, much to my dismay. He had on Austin's black football jersey, black pants, black sneakers, black helmet, with a purple and white shell necklace. A sight for sore eyes in my opinion but he thougth he looked cool. As Kaden would say, I want to wear my "dude" pants that have rips in the knees. They hang out with their older brother too much.

I told the boys to not go in the skate park without me....Colton obeyed me for once but Kaden didn't...I go over there and he says, "I went in the skate park on accident Mom!" We told the boys we were filming a skate movie so they were showing off with their best moves, Kaden did a wheelie high, he called it!

As we were trying to watch Austin play baseball. Austin is playing left field and pitches. He had a great day hitting today, a single, a double and a triple but no outfield action, he said he was bored out there. They won both games though.

These boys make me a very happy mommy, they give me something to smile about everyday, it makes life so worth it!

15 years ago today.....I had my first son, it makes my eyes fill with tears as they grow up so fast.

Today, my eyes are filled with tears of joy for the wonderful young man he has become!

Kaden is a dad in the making....this baby Jario might have to be added to the will, she is so permanent a fixture.

He is so proud of the fact that he has lost a tooth!

Happy Birthday Austin! Austin is 15 years old today.....Oh my goodness I feel old too then! Actually I am very proud of my son and all his accomplishments and the young man he has become. As I am preparing to birth my 4th child any time now, and I can remember oh so well the eager anticipation of being a first time mom. Austin has taught me so many lessons in life and has brought me so many blessings in life as well. I can't believe the qualities this boy has and how each day he stresses me out but yet can turn that around with his charm, humor, and Witt! At 5'7 1/2" tall, 138 lbs. and size enormous feet, with a head full of thick brown hair (that he tried to dye black at swim party) he is simply gorgeous and I am not just saying that, he is a looker, no mother could be prouder! He finished out his swim team being an alternate for the state championship, but never ended up needing to swim, however the boys took 2nd in the State of Utah and their coach won Coach of the Year. I think next year will be a big year for him swimming wise. He is now trying out for the High School Baseball team. He is doing well academically in school but sometimes that teenager attitude in him gets him into some trouble in the mouth department. No his braces are finally off, but he can debate and argue and lip off like the best of them. But his mom is no sissy here and will take on his challenges any day....and I always get the final say! Colton oh Colton....As many of you know...I have restricted his diet to eliminate artificial flavoring, coloring and high fructose corn syrup...not entirelly but very small amounts! And with Colton's personality, much like mine...He likes to take matters into his own hands...I was cleaning his room this morning and looked under the bed to find....a half gallon of vanilla ice cream, scoop and all, and the Klondike bars I bought for myself melted. There was GRATEFULLY no mess...it was all in the containers thank goodness. He finds ways around things which as a parent scares me. He is going to be the one to watch. Colton does have a very sweet and loving side which he shares with me often. He and I have a very special bond together and I hope we can keep that nurtured and strong as he grows to be a teenager! Last week he lost his first tooth, it become loose on Monday and he had it yanked out by Thursday. Now he has another one loose but he hasn't fussed with that one much, he got a $2 bill from the tooth fairy which he was quite pleased about. Kaden for the past month has been carrying around this baby doll from my niece she was getting rid of it at at garage sale and Kaden pulled it out of the discard pile to put in his own pile. Well about a month ago he pulled it out and Jario has been a permanent fixture in his life. She is changed, diaper and all daily, feed and taken everywhere he goes. It has gone to show and tell 3 weeks in a row, the teacher said two week ago that he told the kids they could "pet" it but last week he said "no one can touch her, she is special to me"! I am so touched by his nurturing and loving side but it makes me wonder what he is thinking. Maybe this is his way of preparing for Avery, whom he calls Avery Ann, not just Avery. Steve and I are anxiously awaiting the new addition to our family with much anticipation and anxiety. We know things will be different but not sure how, when, etc. I have put my real estate license on inactive status and don't plan to do any selling/buying for a while. Life and things have taken on new meaning to us. We hope that life won't change too too much in a negative way but are willing to accept all that our Heavenly Father has in store. I hope that I can keep this blog updated as it is a great escape and I am sure someday when I look back on it...I will be glad I did it. Until next time....

Pregnancy Photo Shoot

Since this is probably going to be my last baby and its a special little girl, I had some pregnancy photos taken and wanted to share them with you.

Kaden and Colton are so excited to have Grandma Barbara here...Kade keeps saying, "I wonder how her hair is?" He heard me telling my mom she needed a new hairstyle and they never miss a thing do they?

Only a short time before she will be here and we are so looking forward to having this special little spirit in our home.